so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
