I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
