She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
