Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
