Your dad touched me again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
