You can't motorboat a personality
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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