his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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