So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
