have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
