let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need a hoe opinion
go on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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