I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
