just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
