please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
