that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
