Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
