It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
