I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
