is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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