His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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