dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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