You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
