He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
