True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
