fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
