Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
