good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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