I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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