for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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