I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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