I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
