I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
