Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
