i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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