It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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