too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
