i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
