Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
