why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
