Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
