i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
