I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
