so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
