Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
