just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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