I got chris browned last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
