i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
