My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
