I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
