just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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