thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
